According to statistics divorce rates are at an all time high and to help people deal with Divorce and separation the level of available support  has skyrocketed. These divorce support networks are good as having support readily available with experience in Divorce can help people deal with their feelings and anger at this time and also help them to move on. There is one flaw in the system… a lot of the divorce support is skewed to help women rather than men.

So what does a recently divorced man do?

Firstly it is very difficult for many men to deal with the reality of getting divorced or separated, it can take some time before the fact sinks in and then they will go through a variety of emotions. A lot of men refuse to believe that they are really divorced,they still feel married or in a long term relationship, some men don’t feel in love but do still feel married, whereas other men are still in love with their exes but don’t feel married, it can be a very hurtful and confusing time.

Men often have an all of nothing reaction to getting divorced or separated,they sometimes spring into action and try to do as much as he can with his life. This way he can keep busy and does not have to deal with his emotions, he will probably spend a lot of time socialising or take up new activities. This can be a good coping mechanism but many men regret this period later, especially if they fall into a cycle of sleeping around to feel close to someone, getting into fights and sometimes alcoholism- all of these activities will be detachment mechanisms that will stop him having to deal with his feelings.

What can sometimes be worse is if a man falls into the ‘nothing’ category, this means a recently divoced or separated man can become introverted and deeply depressed. A recent statistic shows that men are much more likely to commit suicide than women so if a man falls into this depression without support it can be potentially dangerous.

It is the lack of support that means men can go to both extremes when they are dealing with emotional harships such as divorce and separations. Even without conventional support many women have a social network of friends who can support them, whereas a lot of men do not feel comfortable discussinf their reletionships and emotions with other men, and is also less likely to seek help from professional councillors.

So where can a divorced man  go for help and support?

There is no one fix fits all solution for anyone, least of all men and we can generalise on the character traits of men and women in emotional times but really every one is different and will react to situations in different ways.

The best solution is to make support more available to men, this may be giving them the information to help themselves, or making divorce support more accessible. Divorce forums and websites can help give men information, and give them a place to go away from their normal social circle to discuss their feelings. This internet is making it a lot easier for men to get help and support but the exposure of these issues means their is becoming less of a stigma for men accepting that sometimes they need help and support.