As a single parent it can be very difficult to start dating again, especially after a messy divorce or separation. Single parents have a lot of things to consider before starting to date again including thinking of your childrens feelings, your relationship with your ex and also many trust issues you may have from the break down of your last relationship.

No matter how long it has been since your relationship broke up, you still owe it to yourself to be happy, and moving on and dating is one step that you will innevitably need to take. There are, however, a lot of obstacles to get past when considering single parent dating.

Children

When you have children from a past relationship they may live with you or live with your ex but they need to be considered when you feel it is time to start dating. Children can be affected by their parents splitting up, no matter how old they are it is a tough time for children as well as you.

Your children may still have fantasy’s of you and your ex getting back together so the thought of you dating someone new can be very upsetting and a harsh reality that they have not yet faced. If you have a lot of contact with your ex then it is up to both you and your ex to make it clear to your children that although you are no longer together you still love them and they are the priority. If you do not have any contact with your ex and neither do your children then your children may be more vulnerable to a new partner coming into your life. They may cling to them as a substitute mother or father, which can cause a lot of pressure on a new relationship and be unhealthy for your child. They may also be resentful of your new partner for taking up your time, this can happen even if the child has contact with your ex. There are lots of ways a child can react to a new partner but try to communicate with them about the situation and reassure them.

When you start dating it can be difficult to choose the right time to introduce your new partner to your children and if you are just new to the dating scene you may not want to introduce them straight away so you don’t risk your children getting close to someone who may not work out with. If you are ready to date then you should do it for yourself, depending on bow old your child is and how serious the new relationship is then you can decide how much or how little to tell them. Make sure they are aware that you will not be geting back with your ex or this can be unhealthy for them. At the end of the day if you are a happier, more confident parent you will be a better influence for your child and your home will be a nicer place to grow up in so keep that in mind if you are not dating purely because you are worried about how your child will feel.

Your Ex

When you start to date someone new this can affect your relationship with your ex, perhaps they had hopes of getting back together, or feel resentful that you have moved on quicker than they have. Having a relationship with your ex is important for the well being of your children but it is not easy and an already strained relationship can be very fragile.

Don’t let your ex dictate who you can and cannot see, but be sensitive to their feelings, put your self in their shoes and try to consider their worries. They may feel threatened that a new partner will interfere with their relationship with your children. Sometimes it can be a harsh realisation that you will not be getting back together or their pride may be hurt if you have moved on quicker than them. Whatever issues you may face with your ex, you need to sort them out quickly to help you get a healthy relationship with your new partner and your ex. You do not want your ex using your children as ammunition because they do not like your new partner or situation.

Make sure your ex finds out from you and not someone gossiping down the pub and reassure them it will not affect their relationship with your children. Not all exes will be reasonable but if you try to consider their feelings it may help.

Meeting People

After a break up you may find this impacts your social life, perhaps you had mutual friends, or most of your friends were couples. This makes going out on the pull quite difficult, also having children means you may not have the time to meet new people. Try to go to new clubs and take up activities, you can also meet people online on local websites and divorce support forums, this way you will meet people who understand your experiences and you will have things in common.

When are you ready?

People move on from their relationships in different ways and at different times, some people feel their relationship with their ex ended long before they broke up therefore the time before moving on to a new relationship may be quite quick. Others may just feel they are ready soon after the break up, but some people wait months or even years before feeling confident enough to get into a new relationship.

The breakdown of any long term relationship is hurtful even when you try not to hurt your partner their will be times that you say something you don’t mean or they may. You may have been in an unhealthy relationship, an abusive relationship or even have been cheated on. In this case it can take you time before you trust someone again. Having children means you will be more cautious about who you let into your life and any issues from a past relationship will make this harder.

Make sure you feel comfortable moving on, and also that you are doing it for the right reasons, if you are on the rebound you may find it hard to commit fully to a relationship or find yourself choosing the wrong person and getting even more hurt. If you are dating because your ex is dating and you don’t want to be outdone you will not truly be happy and it will not work out. If you have trouble with your confidence or moving on then you should get help you can ask the divorce experts at the My Mad Ex forum or see your doctor about counselling.