When you are going through a divorce or separation you start looking for Divorce advice online, but not all advice is the same here are a few types of advice we have come across and how you should deal with each.

Expert Divorce Advice

Expert Divorce advice can be anything from emotional advice to legal advice and being an expert they have some form of accreditation or qualification that will back up their advice. If you need legal advice for your divorce only use recommended websites and forums or speak directly to a legal advisor face to face. If you use an expert divorce website or forum remember that their advice is only valid to you if they know all the facts if an expert only has a limited piece of information from your situation their advice will not always be applicable to your situation.

Shared advice

Shared advice comes when someone has a shared experience to you, My Mad Ex has a lot of people online who can offer shared advice, they can also act as a sympathetic ear. This type of advice is great for helping you feel less isolatied and alone, by comparing your experiences and solutions you can gain some perspective which helps you move on. However be aware that any advice from someone who is not qualified is not 100% reliable and should not be a substitue for legal or psychological advice. Also very few circumstances will be exactly the same so even if there are similarities make sure you understand the differences especially if the solution that worked for one person won’t work for you. Try to look at the positives from shared advice such as a shoulder to lean on and someone who can share your rant

Advice you don’t want to hear

Sometimes in a separation you can get so involved in your own feelings you lose some sight of reality, this is not unusual and does not mean you are a mad ex, but often online we discuss ways in which we have acted and don’t get the support we want. Don’t get upset by this as people do not know you and your circumstances, sometimes it is good to hear objective opinions but other times it can be hurtful. When you read things online you cannot tell the tone of voice as easily and things can be taken out of context, if you are depressed or in a bad place already this can be taken badly and be very upsetting. If you hear something like this then think about the source, they do not know you and are probably only trying to help, at different stages of your healing you will cope differently to feedback. Remember they are not experts and they probably don’t know the full contect of your situation, however if some of it rings true it may be worth considering.

All types of advice are subjective to the amount of information the advisor has, searching online can help give you support, move on and meet people. However, you may need professional help which you will not find on websites or forums. If you need help moving on try our divorce forum, chat with our members and ask the experts advice on money, getting fit and general well being.

This is a great video we found for single men trying to get over their ex, it is a quick presentation on some handy tips to help you move on from a separation or divorce. This ideo has some harsh lessons and tells you straight how you need to behave and focuses a lot on letting go and finding better healthier ways to direct your energy.

This video is focussing on men only but many of the lessons will certainly apply to many women and by following the advice it may top you from crossing the line to being a Mad Ex yourself!

This video isn’t necessary for everyone as many people deal with a break up in a different way but if you are having problems moving on, you cannot accept the break up and are getting very jealous. You can use these tips to help feel empowered and move on, he also discusses how as a parent their may be exceptions to the rules as you have to protect your childrens best interest.

What do you think of this video? Good advice or too general? If you need more help you can ask our resident experts in our My Mad Ex Forum and they can help you get over your break up in a healthy way specific to you.

According to statistics divorce rates are at an all time high and to help people deal with Divorce and separation the level of available support  has skyrocketed. These divorce support networks are good as having support readily available with experience in Divorce can help people deal with their feelings and anger at this time and also help them to move on. There is one flaw in the system… a lot of the divorce support is skewed to help women rather than men.

So what does a recently divorced man do?

Firstly it is very difficult for many men to deal with the reality of getting divorced or separated, it can take some time before the fact sinks in and then they will go through a variety of emotions. A lot of men refuse to believe that they are really divorced,they still feel married or in a long term relationship, some men don’t feel in love but do still feel married, whereas other men are still in love with their exes but don’t feel married, it can be a very hurtful and confusing time.

Men often have an all of nothing reaction to getting divorced or separated,they sometimes spring into action and try to do as much as he can with his life. This way he can keep busy and does not have to deal with his emotions, he will probably spend a lot of time socialising or take up new activities. This can be a good coping mechanism but many men regret this period later, especially if they fall into a cycle of sleeping around to feel close to someone, getting into fights and sometimes alcoholism- all of these activities will be detachment mechanisms that will stop him having to deal with his feelings.

What can sometimes be worse is if a man falls into the ‘nothing’ category, this means a recently divoced or separated man can become introverted and deeply depressed. A recent statistic shows that men are much more likely to commit suicide than women so if a man falls into this depression without support it can be potentially dangerous.

It is the lack of support that means men can go to both extremes when they are dealing with emotional harships such as divorce and separations. Even without conventional support many women have a social network of friends who can support them, whereas a lot of men do not feel comfortable discussinf their reletionships and emotions with other men, and is also less likely to seek help from professional councillors.

So where can a divorced man  go for help and support?

There is no one fix fits all solution for anyone, least of all men and we can generalise on the character traits of men and women in emotional times but really every one is different and will react to situations in different ways.

The best solution is to make support more available to men, this may be giving them the information to help themselves, or making divorce support more accessible. Divorce forums and websites can help give men information, and give them a place to go away from their normal social circle to discuss their feelings. This internet is making it a lot easier for men to get help and support but the exposure of these issues means their is becoming less of a stigma for men accepting that sometimes they need help and support.